It’s been a while since I’ve written a new edition of this column because I have been suffering writer’s fatigue. And when came to this edition, it still wasn’t easy coming up with what I would write. I’ve scoured my calendar for something to write about, but life has been pretty uneventful. But then I remembered… The Margin Notes isn’t just about the events, it’s also about the things that cause me to take a moment to pause a think deeper on an issue. If you think of it visually, it’s like you’re writing notes in the margins of a book. You could be writing in the margins because you’re doing research or you could be writing in the margins because something stuck out to you and you want to remember it in the exact place it happened. The Margin Notes is what takes a book from being just another piece of text to something that is meaningful to you and sticks with you for the rest of your life.
And that’s what this column is meant to do… inspire you to write in the margins of life so that it becomes meaningful and not just another piece of text.
To that end, lately I’ve been writing in the margins of situation that I held on to hope for so long… reconnecting with a special someone. However, because we both have made different choices which led to a to timeline that, honestly, I’m not too happy with, I have been questioning and reflection on the truth and validity of a quote from the television series Scandal.
Now, sharing my reflection on this quote was not my first choice, but the longer have sat thinking what margin notes I would share from October, the idea that I’m supposed to share this reflection lingers and will not dissipate.
And the quote that is the catalyst for this reflection comes from Cyrus Beene who states, “Some men aren’t meant to be happy. They’re meant to be great.”
Before I go into the deep end of my reflection, allow me to give some more context behind that situation that caused me to think about this quote again. Like I said earlier, for so long, I help on to the hope that I would someday get another chance to reconnect with a special someone romantically—of course, it’s always about a girl. However, recent events and autonomous choices, have shifted the timeline and caused that hope to die.
Some men aren’t meant to be happy. They’re meant to be great.
Now, I used to be very skeptical of this quote when I first heard it on Scandal, but now… with every passing moment of life… and with everything that’s being going wrong. And when I see others enjoying the type of life I thought I would have right now. And when I examine historical figures who have accomplished great feats, I become more and more confident in the truth and the validity of this quote.
I have long believed that I was destined for greatness and that I was imbued with this timeline where one day my name would be mentioned in history books for centuries—I mean, I do plan on running for President of the United States. However, in my 25, almost 26, years of living, I’ve never been truly happy. And I think the reason that I’ve never been truly happy has all to do with the meaning of this quote.
But here’s the thing… no matter how much greatness I’ve been destined for, I was also birthed with an innate wisdom beyond my years that only grows as I learn and study more things.
Because what I know to be true is that some of the great individuals of history did finally find happiness, but it was only after they stopped striving and were closer to death than youth—they found happiness after they accomplished many great things.
And here’s what I mean by my wisdom that keeps growing… I recognize that I live in a dangerous situation—due to my Enneagram and emotions work. Lately, I’ve been asking myself the typical why did it matter? questions. Most people ask these questions later in life, but because of my wisdom and my work, here I am asking these questions at the ripe, ol’ age of 25. But here’s the part that makes asking those questions so dangerous this soon in life… my youth and my Enneagram Threeness are still focused on becoming which keeps me caught in this tension of expectation and reality. A tension that grows tighter each day because the plan that I had originally written for becoming is being re-written daily now.
And it’s this tension that causes even greater pain, especially for someone who used to be so anchored in religion; someone who believed he was co-authoring his story with God. Living in this tension, challenges every aspect of a person’s belief system. But then when this tension also changes the thing you searched for as a sign, it’s kind of like you’re Dorothy caught in the tornado. I mean, used to love change. To me, change was a sign that I was on the right path; however, lately, i just wish change would slow down. Change went from being a sign of my becoming to being the thing that never allowed me to become.
In the end it feels like that mentally, I’m stuck at the doorway of Paradiso. Physically, I’m still journeying towards Paradiso. But my soul lags far behind as it remains in Purgatorio.