The Margin Notes

Special Edition: Ghost

This post is about suicide. So, if you might be trigged by reading about this, I highly encourage you to stop here. If you want to read this, then come back to it when you can mentally get through it. I also want to say that if you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal ideation, please reach out to someone. The national suicide hotline is a great place to start; just dial 988.

First, let me begin by saying that this isn’t a full retelling of that moment—I’ve already shared that story, and you can read it here. But there’s something I didn’t say the first time. A thought that’s lingered, a piece of the story that’s stayed with me. And I think it deserves its own space.

The idea for this reflection came from a lyric in the song “Ghost” by Badflower: “I should’ve left a letter, but I had nothin’ to write about.”

Now, I don’t know if it’s irony or some kind of divine timing, but Badflower first released “Ghost” as a single in 2018. I first found out about Badflower in 2021; however, it wasn’t until I recently, when was listening to the full London EP—which released recently, and I had already listened to the song “London” from the EP for weeks—that I discovered the song “Ghost”.

The first time that listed to “Ghost” was on February 13^th on my way to work at Delaware Elementary. I wasn’t really paying attention to the lyrics (I had gotten my morning coffee from Panera, but I forgot my glasses at home. So, since I had to go back home to get my glasses, I was a little off my game that morning.) but I really liked the music. Although, I wasn’t paying attention to the lyrics, there was something about the music itself that made me feel deeply connected to the song. I spent the entire day trying to figure it out… trying to figure why I felt connected to the song.