The Brave Ones Among Us
Can I be honest with you? Just like many of my definitions for emotions have changed since I’ve been researching emotions, my definition for heartbreak has also changed. Fortunately, this one of the definitions that didn’t change significantly… my definition only became more specific. Prior to doing my research, heartbreak meant how you felt when something didn’t work, especially when it was a relationship; I used it as a very blanketed term. However, now, my definition of heartbreak is when your chance to love something or someone has been cutoff.
What’s the difference between my previous definition and my current definition? My previous definition didn’t include love. Previously, a lot of the things that I was labeling as heartbreak should have been labeled as disappointment instead because I didn’t lose love for that thing or that person—I just wasn’t able to show my love in the way that I was hoping or imagining to show my love.
Allow me to put this change into perspective a little bit.
I’ve been very open about my relationship record, and how all but one of the girls who I have asked out have said no. In my 25 years of living, there has only been one girl to say yes to a first date, but that was two days before a global pandemic was announced. This one girl made me feel a way that I’ve never felt—just her presence only made me feel so good that it I was uncomfortable because it was unusual to me… so… I ran. To make a long story short, I’d eventually convinced myself that she only said yes because I caught her off guard which led to me ghosting her during the following summer. When I got back to Springfield that following fall semester, I told myself that I wasn’t going to bring it up and I was going to act like it never, but one of my friends convinced me to see where she stood on possibly going out to coffee still… let’s just say that this time her response was different. That’s when the heartbreak set in… that’s the moment the chance to love was lost. That heartbreak was compounded by self-disappointment because I started to think how things would have been different if I hadn’t ghosted her during the summer—I’m not proud of it but at that time, ghosting her felt like the best way not to lose her completely… I wanted to at least keep her as a friend.
The brokenhearted are the bravest among us—they dared to love.
— Brené Brown, Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience
— Week Four: TN&RP June/July 2025 Edition