A Letter to Finn

For the Fictional Boy Who Told the Truth I Never Could

When I first discovered the book If Only I Had Told Her by Laura Nowlin, I immediately knew— from the title alone—that I had to add it to my To Be Read list (I don’t even think that I read the synopsis). You see… that title intrigued me because it’s the same question that I had been asking myself for about the past four years. After sitting on my To Be Read list for about a year, I finally read it last year, and there were so many unexpected turns in the storyline.

One of those unexpected turns was the death of one the main characters… Finn. I remember that when I read the part about how he died, I felt emotional about that moment. Specifically, I felt angry at Finn. I remember vividly calling Finn an idiot after reading about his death.

And recently, I was talking with someone about a quote that I heard about a tv show (unrelated to the book), but If Only I Had Told Her came up during our conversation, and the suggestion was made that I should write a letter a Finn.

So… here’s my letter to Finn…

Dear Finn,

Your death was unexpected and here I am still trying to come to terms with it months later. You were one of my dearest friends, and I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye… and, honestly, that sucks.

I have spent countless seconds trying to think of what I would have said to you during your last moments with us. We could have talked about some of our greatest moments together or we could have talked about the fun things we had planned for that night, oh heck, we could have even talked about our future life plans. There’s a myriad of things that we could have talked. But had I known the last time I saw you was going to be last time I saw you alive, I would have told you about how proud I was of you and commend your bravery for stepping out and taking a chance on love… I wish I could emulate you in that area.

You were brave and did something I have never been able to do… you told Autumn how you felt about her. And not only did you admit your love for her to her, but that admittance led to a beautiful moment between the two of you.

But… damn… Finn… did you have to step out of the car so quick? Had you stayed in the car and called 9-1-1, you would still be here with us… with me. And as much as I want to be mad at you for getting out the car, I can’t… it’s your personality. You’re not a selfish person. In fact, you’re the most selfless person that I have ever met. You take care of others before you take care of yourself. And that’s why I can’t be mad at you for getting out the car to check on Slyvia, you were just doing what you do best…caring for others.

Also, had I known that the last time we hung out was the very last time we would see each other, I would have told you not worry about your mom. Autumn, Jack, and I are going to take good care of her.

But as I pen this letter, I’m trying to think of ways to honor your memory. And the best thing that I came up with is to follow your lead. I’m going to follow your lead and I’m going to finally tell Riley how I feel about her

Thanks for being the greatest friend a person could ever ask for Finn!

Love,

B