And that’s what this column is meant to do… inspire you to write in the margins of life so that it becomes meaningful and not just another piece of text.

To that end, lately I’ve been writing in the margins of situation that I held on to hope for so long… reconnecting with a special someone. However, because we both have made different choices which led to a to timeline that, honestly, I’m not too happy with, I have been questioning and reflection on the truth and validity of a quote from the television series Scandal.

Now, sharing my reflection on this quote was not my first choice, but the longer have sat thinking what margin notes I would share from October, the idea that I’m supposed to share this reflection lingers and will not dissipate.

And the quote that is the catalyst for this reflection comes from Cyrus Beene who states, “Some men aren’t meant to be happy. They’re meant to be great.”

Before I go into the deep end of my reflection, allow me to give some more context behind that situation that caused me to think about this quote again. Like I said earlier, for so long, I help on to the hope that I would someday get another chance to reconnect with a special someone romantically—of course, it’s always about a girl. However, recent events and autonomous choices, have shifted the timeline and caused that hope to die.

Now, I used to be very skeptical of this quote when I first heard it on Scandal, but now… with every passing moment of life… and with everything that’s being going wrong. And when I see others enjoying the type of life I thought I would have right now. And when I examine historical figures who have accomplished great feats, I become more and more confident in the truth and the validity of this quote.

I have long believed that I was destined for greatness and that I was imbued with this timeline where one day my name would be mentioned in history books for centuries—I mean, I do plan on running for President of the United States. However, in my 25, almost 26, years of living, I’ve never been truly happy. And I think the reason that I’ve never been truly happy has all to do with the meaning of this quote.

But here’s the thing… no matter how much greatness I’ve been destined for, I was also birthed with an innate wisdom beyond my years that only grows as I learn and study more things.

Because what I know to be true is that some of the great individuals of history did finally find happiness, but it was only after they stopped striving and were closer to death than youth—they found happiness after they accomplished many great things.

And here’s what I mean by my wisdom that keeps growing… I recognize that I live in a dangerous situation—due to my Enneagram and emotions work. Lately, I’ve been asking myself the typical why did it matter? questions. Most people ask these questions later in life, but because of my wisdom and my work, here I am asking these questions at the ripe, ol’ age of 25. But here’s the part that makes asking those questions so dangerous this soon in life… my youth and my Enneagram Threeness are still focused on becoming which keeps me caught in this tension of expectation and reality. A tension that grows tighter each day because the plan that I had originally written for becoming is being re-written daily now.

And it’s this tension that causes even greater pain, especially for someone who used to be so anchored in religion; someone who believed he was co-authoring his story with God. Living in this tension, challenges every aspect of a person’s belief system. But then when this tension also changes the thing you searched for as a sign, it’s kind of like you’re Dorothy caught in the tornado. I mean, used to love change. To me, change was a sign that I was on the right path; however, lately, i just wish change would slow down. Change went from being a sign of my becoming to being the thing that never allowed me to become.

In the end it feels like that mentally, I’m stuck at the doorway of Paradiso. Physically, I’m still journeying towards Paradiso. But my soul lags far behind as it remains in Purgatorio.

HAIRSPRAY AUDITION WORKSHOP

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If you read the previous edition of The Margin Notes, then you know all the changes that happened to my summer work schedule for June. But in short, within three days, my work schedule for June underwent at least twelve changes—honestly, there were so many changes that I lost count. But the good news is that one of my bosses with SPARC was able to get me some working hours throughout the month.

19 HOURS DESIGN CONFERENCE

19 Hours is hosted by Mydoma Studio, and it is a conference that I look foward to every year—I always try to make sure that I don’t schedule anything over it, so I can watch the sessions live. I have attended this conference ever since the second year it was held, in 2021. The biggest reason that I love attending this conference is because it is completely virtual. Since I’m not able to make a trip to things like High Point Market and KBIS, through 19 Hours, I’m able to be a part of the world-wide design community from my home!

HAMILTEN

I have been a fan of the Broadway show Hamilton since the beginning. I think that when I discovered Hamilton, it had only been on Broadway for a few months, and the original cast recording had only been on YouTube for two weeks—that was the time it seemed financially plausible to go to New York and see the original cast perform live. But I knew before the show won any awards during the 70^th Annual Tony Awards that their performance alone during the award show that night would make the ticket prices skyrocket and my chance of ever seeing the original cast perform would be thrown out the window.

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But it was probably the most eventful month that I’ve had in a long time. I announced my new job position, I went on a historic house tour, I had a couple of engagements with nature—a field trip to The Watershed Center at Valley Water Mill Park and a networking event at Dickerson Park Zoo, and I changed my sleep schedule.

NEW JOB POSITION

Okay… so… it’s not really a new job position; I will still be a substitute teacher—just at one school. I will be the building substitute for Delaware Elementary.

And I actually accepted the position a few months ago; however, I made the official announcement in May which you can read below.

Becoming a substitute teacher was not in my life plans, but these past three years have been some of the greatest moments. Within these past years, I’ve been able to meet many students from different schools in the Springfield School District (SPS). Some students have even given me nicknames such as Mr. Cool Man Sub Dude (my favorite), Mr. Beast, Snoop Dogg.

I’ve also been able to brand myself as a “music sub” which has been a dream come true—especially since my original plan of becoming a high school choir director didn’t work out. Being a musician of fourteen years, has made me a little bit of a coveted sub for band and choir classes since the directors could be out and the students could still work through music instead of wasting a day.

However, sometimes, good things must come to end so that greater things can begin to take root. Recently, I was asked to make a decision that meant giving up subbing for music classes and being planted at one school.

Although I was reluctant to give up being a music sub, I have decided to plant myself at Delaware Elementary as the building substitute. I’ve subbed at Delaware a handful of times in the past, but this school year I was essentially only at Delaware—when I wasn’t at Delaware, I was teaching music. So, in essence, nothing much is going to change.

I will miss going to different schools. I will especially miss the band students at Hillcrest High School, Reed Academy, and Pershing Middle School.

But I’m excited that I will get to see all the kiddos at Delaware Elementary every day!

ROUNTREE HISTORIC HOUSE TOUR

The Rountree Council for Preservation’s Historic House Tour was such a great way to start off the month. I saw some beautiful homes and got a couple of design ideas that I plan to institute in some of my future projects.

THE WATERSHED CENTER AT VALLEY WATER MILL PARK

So, going on this field trip was not in the cards for May. I was supposed spend the last two weeks of school subbing for one of the paras at Delaware Elementary. However, after school on Friday, May 16^th I got a phone call from the school secretary asking if I would be okay to switch 4^th grade for the last week due to the teacher having a last-minute emergency. Of course, I was more than happy to make the switch—I mean, my ability to be flexible and adapt is why they like me so much at Delaware.

Although it was an unexpected thing for me to go on this field trip, I really enjoyed it because I’ve never been to The Watershed, even though I’ve lived in Springfield for six years now. This was also the first field trip where I was the teacher in charge of the field trip, and I’m happy to say that no kid was left behind… we did leave the lunch coolers, but we noticed before the bus started moving.

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The theme that seems prevalent for this edition is relationships.

THE UNEXPECTED FAMILY CALL

They say that the best moments in life are unplanned. I used to disagree with that saying, but if I have learned nothing else in the past 3-4 years, it’s that the present moment is the best thing. And while we might not have planned for an event to happen, the intricacies and nuances that happen outside of our hands are what make the present so valuable.

It was spring break, and I had been nowhere… not exactly what I thought my life would look like at 25. And I was in my feelings and feeling very lonely, then as I’m making dinner one night, out the blue my phone starts ringing. And I was fully prepared to hang it up quickly because lately the phone calls that I’ve received are from bill collectors and spammers, but something told me to look at the caller ID. It wasn’t a bill collector nor a spam caller; it was a FaceTime call from my family. And honestly, not only have I been feeling lonely lately, but I’ve also been feeling a little homesick.

While I was in college, it was easier to push away my homesickness because I lived in a dorm full of people and I had a lot of extracurricular activities. However, lately, all I do is go to work then come home and it’s hard to push the feeling of loneliness and the feeling homesickness away when you’re in a 436 sq. ft. apartment by yourself.

Anyway, the reason for the family call was talk about a possible family vacation… at least for them. For me, getting that call was like someone pulling me out of the quicksand of depression.

SEVERANCE — SEASON 2 FINALE

Can we just take a moment to talk about the season 2 finale of Severance? I mean… we already know the dilemma both Innie Mark (iMark) and Outie Mark (oMark) face is a prime example of dilemma. But the ending of season 2 shows that dilemma at its precipice.

I think that this image has been ingrained in the mind of every viewer. Until season 3 begins, all we really know of this last scene is that iMark concluded that oMark has had a chance to live a life, albeit a happy life, and that it’s iMark’s chance at happiness now.

But I have a few questions…

1. What happens to Gemma?

Will she get lost because it’s been so long since she’s been outside of Lumon? Will she track down Devin in hopes that oMark will show up at Devin’s, eventually?

2. Will iMark clock-out of work as always… or…?

We’re all probably thinking it… they ran the opposite way of the exit which means Milchick is going to reprimand Helly R. and Mark S. But is it possible they will just continue the work day as usual and then clock-out? I highly doubt it because since Mark has completed Cold Harbor, there’s no need for him to return after he clocks out which will then suspend any hope of life that Mark S. had.

Here's what I’m thinking… I’m thinking that Helly R. and Mark S. will convince Milchick to join forces with them (I mean, after all, Milchick has been championing for innies to have some resemblance of a life) and with this new-found alliance the Over Time Contingency Protocol will become a tool to allow innies to have a life outside of Lumon.

These aren’t all the questions that I have surrounding the season 2 finale, but these are the important ones. But I do have a few more questions that deserve a space in this post…

3. Where the heck is Ricken?

Earlier in the season, Ricken was kind of cemented as an operative for Lumon. But we haven’t seen Ricken since Lumon called upon him!?!?

4. A MOTHER FREAKING MARCHING BAND!!!!

Okay, so this one really isn’t a question! I just had to point it out because I’m a musician of 14 years and love marching bands, especially the energy of a HBCU marching band which is represented in this episode.

I also have to admit that I have a love-hate relationship with Milchick. One minute I hate him to the core. The next minute he’s one of my favorite characters… it’s a never-ending cycle. And this scene was just another exhibit submitted to the court as proof of my love-hate relationship with Milchick.

Alright, enough about Severance… for now.?.? (This is probably the first show that has had me so involved cerebrally that I might just have to write some episode reviews next season.)

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First, let me begin by saying that this isn’t a full retelling of that moment—I’ve already shared that story, and you can read it here. But there’s something I didn’t say the first time. A thought that’s lingered, a piece of the story that’s stayed with me. And I think it deserves its own space.

The idea for this reflection came from a lyric in the song “Ghost” by Badflower: “I should’ve left a letter, but I had nothin’ to write about.”

Now, I don’t know if it’s irony or some kind of divine timing, but Badflower first released “Ghost” as a single in 2018. I first found out about Badflower in 2021; however, it wasn’t until I recently, when was listening to the full London EP—which released recently, and I had already listened to the song “London” from the EP for weeks—that I discovered the song “Ghost”.

The first time that listed to “Ghost” was on February 13^th on my way to work at Delaware Elementary. I wasn’t really paying attention to the lyrics (I had gotten my morning coffee from Panera, but I forgot my glasses at home. So, since I had to go back home to get my glasses, I was a little off my game that morning.) but I really liked the music. Although, I wasn’t paying attention to the lyrics, there was something about the music itself that made me feel deeply connected to the song. I spent the entire day trying to figure it out… trying to figure why I felt connected to the song.

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